Unintentional Hiatus

I have been gone a while. Had so much going on. Some ministry things, some personal things, some work things....etc....

My life has done a complete upside down! If you would have said even 3 months ago I would be where I am now - I would think you ridiculous.

Personally, some things have come to light and just trying to deal with those, takes a lot of energy. I have the Lord, He is my strength. His robe was all I had to hold on to when the diagnosis came in for my daughter.... my world changed, the earth disappeared below me. I was dropping through space at a million miles a second and I could not figure it out............I grasped His robe and have been hanging on ever since. I still have not found my bearings..........still feel like Dorothy through the tornado--- where will I land? I have never brought to memory so many Bible verses in my life in the past month. Funny how hard they are sometimes to grasp-- -those promises....com I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.... When I am weak You are strong..........with the faith of a mustard seed I can say to this mountain 'Move' and it will move........Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death Your rod and Your staff comfort me......... You know those verses? And plenty more.


My daughter had to do some hospital time, some doctors, some medications, some only when necessary.... some forever--- unless of course she is healed. She is stronger than me you know, my daughter, she showed me up in faith and courage. She confronted it all head on and with her feet firmly planted she recognized not only was it time to tackle this head on, but, that Jesus was and is with her. "He must want me to do something with it....it's not a waste or an accident" Yes, my daughter, she showed me up. I learned a lot from and about her at the beginning of this trial....and while the "normal" is just starting to show up at home again--- the diagnosis still there, my nerves wrecked sometimes, my smile covering up the worry--- she smiles and starts another day. Ah yes, His mercy is new every morning............His grace is sufficient for me.

Never did I intend a hiatus from here. Of course, His plans are not mine. I learned a lot in the past couple of months..... we never stop learning.

I sent out a SOS to heaven and He answered me.... He responded to my screaming, my cries, my denial, my worry, my anger, my confusion, my spite, my hate, my fear, my terror, my everything that I was during this time and He answered, He made a way..............all the time..... all the time......every time.........He never leaves me nor forsakes me...........I thought I could never grasp that -- yet again and again and again He answers me...........He does not show up.... He never leaves!!!!!!

I am still in somewhat of denial, still in a whirlwind, still crying out ----------- still thankful my daughter is here with me, still thankful He answers prayer, still thankful He is in this whirlwind with me............ Yes still thankful.

So why I still struggle and scream and get mad at it all..............cry out, try to understand.........He just stays here with us....guiding us through this new upside down life we live.

How about you? Have you ever found yourself falling through space? The earth ripped right out from under you?


Madeleine 

Give It Away

When I first became a Christian I didn't understand the whole 'give it away'. My mind could not wrap up the whole abundance promise. I did not understand that I should give items, money, food, clothing that I worked so hard for to people who I believed (yes, who I believed) and who I  felt (yes, who I felt) should not have it....I did not know I was selfish or greedy.

I mean, if someone needed money and I had extra I gave it to them. If someone needed lunch and I had extra money I gave them money to get lunch. If someone needed a shirt and I had an extra one,I gave them one. If someone needed a shoulder to cry on and I had extra time I gave it to them to cry on. If someone needed someone to talk to and I had extra time I would listen. I mean, I was busy. I worked for a living, I needed time for myself, I needed to shop and cook....I mean, yes, if I had extra of anything I gave it to anyone in need. I didn't make much money so very seldom did I have extra money. I was so busy, very seldom did I have extra time. My closet, well,  I loved all of my clothes, I didn't have any extra to give away.

How humbling it was when the realization hit me, it was not out of my 'extra' that He wanted me to give. I mean, I have to confess that I do not think I would ever think of anything I had as extra. I could not find the word extra in the Bible when talking of giving. Nope, nothing. I could find nowhere in the Bible where God spoke of "hey, if you have extra food give it away" "find yourself with extra money, donate it" "closet full and found a shirt you don't like? Give it away"; "when you find yourself with extra time, let someone cry on your shoulder or when they call on the phone, listen."

I am here to tell you, that it is nowhere. In fact, what it all boils down to is...........to give out of the abundance you already have. Not to wait for extra... but now, right now. Give your time, money, shirts, shoulder, ear.........now, even when racing against the clock, even when it is going to take all your time............your precious time, yes, all of it.........it's all His. He is the Creator and Father of time....not you, not the seasons, not the universe....God, I AM, Him, Abba, Yahweh.....

And, then? He will bless you more than you could ever imagine. The more we give to Him and what He has called us to do............. the more we gain.


"One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty" ~ Proverbs 11:24

He has already given us all the extra we will ever need....

Me

Being Surprised with The World

I am always amazed by everyone who is surprised when disaster strikes, when war breaks out, when terror happens, when disease happens, death ................I, also find myself surprised, awed, wondering........... I think about all the suffering and pain and cannot find the words sometimes to offer friends, loved ones- when they have suffered things unimaginable to us, to me. 

When the front page of every newspaper, news channel, news online, blogs.........slam you with pictures of horror, war, terror, death. I have been a part of all these terrible things going on in life. 

I lost many in my family - some way too young- to disease, accident, one at the hand of another. Family members in every war....some home, some not, lives changed forever. Lost co-workers in 9/11, watched a dear friend go to Afghanistan to fight terrorism--come back a completely different man. Awed, speechless, hurt. Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, famines, poverty, pain.

Yet, Jesus still says:

You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places.~ Matthew 24:6-7

I do think was does surprise me the most-- is the utter hatred humans have for one another. Hate. This hurts my gut, my inner most parts. When I watch humans rise against each other for  ______________ (fill in the blank with whatever you would like). How just the utterances of words that come out of the mouths of people cause death. Yes, death. 

People so much want everyone to be their own people-- creating so much division with "to each his own" "whatever blows your fan" -- that they forget to realize we need each other. We were made to fellowship. We were made for relationships. Saddens me, it does, to watch walls being built between people. The greed, the pride, the self-righteousness.......... The believed freedom that they create their own destiny.................hmm, in a way they do, right? Heaven or Hell...that's the destiny. 

Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. ~ Matthew 10:21

Jesus knew these things would happen, but, we, we who call ourselves different must make sure we know the destiny.... We will be hated, mocked, made fun of....no matter how much anyone says "to each his own" to us---we will be on trial, all the time:

You will be hated by everyone because of Me,but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.~Matthew 10:22

You can't turn away....you must hang in there. If you stay firm until the end, it's all worth it Brothers & Sisters. It is. And don't be lukewarm:

So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of My mouth. ~Revelation 3:16

Stay faithful, stay in the race....don't turn away. There is a reward for you. That will be in a post to come.

Me

Word Study: Joy Part I

I am going to start my blogging with a word study. Word study meaning - studying, writing and talking about Scriptures and stories having to do with a word (i.e. joy). I guess I am starting with the word 'joy'; because it is the first word that popped in my head. Now we know the Bible is full of joy- so maybe this will be a couple of posts- maybe not. Let's see what happens.

joy:  the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires; the expression or exhibition of such emotion; a source or cause of delight: delight, gaiety, bliss  (Merriam-Webster.com)

My definition of joy was when my daughter was born. I could not believe the emotions I felt when I heard the cry and she was wrapped and put in my arms. I do not remember a day before that gave me so much joy. She still till this day brightens my day, brings a smile to my face and just makes me so happy.

When I accepted Jesus, I cried and cried and cried. Bawled like a baby, used up all the tissues at the altar, took hours of cold water to get the swelling down in my eyes......... I am serious, no exaggeration. Yet later.........there was so much joy. Joy that He loves me just the way I am, even after everything I have done, everything I thought, everything I said.... He still wanted me. Joy. 

I remember my Mom coming to Jesus; the woman who didn't believe........ How I could not hold back the tears, let alone speak, expressions of relief..........then Joy. My Mom later on was completely healed of lung cancer. Joy. The doctors didn't know what to do. Joy. She's with Jesus now & I miss her more than you could ever know...she is full of joy & I am full of joy knowing I will see her again.

Jesus gives me joy. He gives me joy even when I did not and still do not deserve it. Inexpressible joy, knowing I do not belong to my past or that life anymore. That He has forgiven me. Joy.

You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. ~Psalm 30:11

That is what He did for me. My sinful past, the times I was betrayed, forgotten, abandoned, alone, violated, hurt, etc. He took that mourning and turned it in to joy. Joy I will never be able to express entirely. 

What brings you joy? 

Me 

First Post......Writer's Block?

I always want to write. I always, always, always, think of something to write about. I always have something to say.....always have something in my head, to get out of my mouth, off my chest...........until it comes time to actually write it......hmf

I am wanting this blog. I always wanted a blog. I want to write on this blog. I want to share my life experiences (to an extent), my joys, my struggles........I want to witness and minister on this blog. I want to talk about real stuff in a real way on this blog.

I want to talk about things that really effect me on this blog. I want to talk about life, the Bible, food, recipes, food (food twice, intentionally :P)... on this blog. I would love to start a devotional about real struggles with real women on this blog.

I would like to talk about breakthroughs, prayer, healing, deliverance, salvation, Jesus, God......... on this blog.

(So..... where do I start?)

I won't talk about politics on this blog. I do not listen, think about, hope in or debate politics. This I know I won't do.

I will talk about life matters though; and maybe some of the life matters will be embedded in politics, but, I won't talk from a political stand point. I will talk from my standpoint, hopefully a good standpoint.

I want to talk about my opinions, be free to express myself, without judgement......right here on this blog.

(So, again, I ask where do I start?)

I Googled 'blogging ideas' 'starting a blog', etc........ hmm, none tickled my fancy or sparked my interest. A couple of things they did have in common were: give instructions on how to do something; make lists- people like lists; news events (I don't know if I would do that one,guess it would depend on the topic); politics (think I already covered that one ); recipes (this I will be good at-- I am terrible though on measurements- I am a throw it together type of girl); write fictional stories/short stories (I could do that I do believe, in time); review something - i.e: a product, books, tv shows, movies, music, etc (I could do that too)..........

I feel like I should write down a bunch of topics on small pieces of paper and pick one out of a hat.......maybe start there?

Another suggestion was to add links to websites and blogs of others who were talking about the same subject.........hmmm. Interesting............as I don't know.

Could this be a smorgasbord type of blog? Do I want it to be? That's one thing about creating a blog I guess, is where to begin? Some sort of genesis.....

Can you have writer's block on your very first post? Yet, I know when I have no access to this computer/website I will have so much to say...funny how that works....I will have to start writing it down so I can blog it when I get to a computer? Yes yes, you are seeing how my brain is putting all this together.

I need to a place to be me, if that makes sense. And here I can be me, yup, just me.

So - I guess the only thing I can do is start. Which I think I just did? I will definitely be reading other blogs & also find out everything I can do on here............

Tune in tomorrow, maybe, just maybe, I will have figured out............ something?

***If you read this and have any type of information to give this novice blogger, please feel free to send me a comment-- you might spark something for me to write about.***