I have been gone a while. Had so much going on. Some ministry things, some personal things, some work things....etc....
My life has done a complete upside down! If you would have said even 3 months ago I would be where I am now - I would think you ridiculous.
Personally, some things have come to light and just trying to deal with those, takes a lot of energy. I have the Lord, He is my strength. His robe was all I had to hold on to when the diagnosis came in for my daughter.... my world changed, the earth disappeared below me. I was dropping through space at a million miles a second and I could not figure it out............I grasped His robe and have been hanging on ever since. I still have not found my bearings..........still feel like Dorothy through the tornado--- where will I land? I have never brought to memory so many Bible verses in my life in the past month. Funny how hard they are sometimes to grasp-- -those promises....com I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.... When I am weak You are strong..........with the faith of a mustard seed I can say to this mountain 'Move' and it will move........Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death Your rod and Your staff comfort me......... You know those verses? And plenty more.
My daughter had to do some hospital time, some doctors, some medications, some only when necessary.... some forever--- unless of course she is healed. She is stronger than me you know, my daughter, she showed me up in faith and courage. She confronted it all head on and with her feet firmly planted she recognized not only was it time to tackle this head on, but, that Jesus was and is with her. "He must want me to do something with it....it's not a waste or an accident" Yes, my daughter, she showed me up. I learned a lot from and about her at the beginning of this trial....and while the "normal" is just starting to show up at home again--- the diagnosis still there, my nerves wrecked sometimes, my smile covering up the worry--- she smiles and starts another day. Ah yes, His mercy is new every morning............His grace is sufficient for me.
Never did I intend a hiatus from here. Of course, His plans are not mine. I learned a lot in the past couple of months..... we never stop learning.
I sent out a SOS to heaven and He answered me.... He responded to my screaming, my cries, my denial, my worry, my anger, my confusion, my spite, my hate, my fear, my terror, my everything that I was during this time and He answered, He made a way..............all the time..... all the time......every time.........He never leaves me nor forsakes me...........I thought I could never grasp that -- yet again and again and again He answers me...........He does not show up.... He never leaves!!!!!!
I am still in somewhat of denial, still in a whirlwind, still crying out ----------- still thankful my daughter is here with me, still thankful He answers prayer, still thankful He is in this whirlwind with me............ Yes still thankful.
So why I still struggle and scream and get mad at it all..............cry out, try to understand.........He just stays here with us....guiding us through this new upside down life we live.
How about you? Have you ever found yourself falling through space? The earth ripped right out from under you?
Madeleine
